Today, Singapore lost her founding father.
Mr Lee Kuan Yew, no matter how many times we repeat your name, it will never be enough to fully appreciate the things you have done for Singapore. Time and time again you proved to us that your beliefs are right and have shown to us exactly how it will benefit us, maybe not now but definitely in the long run.
With the many policies that you've implemented, some speak ill of it, some fond of it, some I have never been able to experience it but have read and studied it for myself in school. I see your vision for Singapore in many years to come and not just in the present, people who speak bad of you may not understand your wise knowledge but we will. For now in 2015, all we see is a place that is so green and clean, a home that is safe and secured.
When we travel overseas, we come to realise how fortunate we actually are, having a proper roof over our heads, having proper education, having clean water to drink and safe roads to travel on. People tell us how lucky we are but we never put it to hearts. People tell us not to ask for anything more because really, we have it so much better than most people out there. Is it truly today that we start to see your efforts and production? No. We have always seen it.
We are grateful to be able to come home late at night without any worries, we are grateful for being bilingual and everywhere we go people are amazed at our strong English foundation, we are grateful for Singapore's progressing economy and never will we have to worry for tomorrow. People say we are being pretentious by only saying our thanks now but honestly, when he was healthy and strong, would anyone express his thanks out of the blue? No. We say it now not because we suddenly found our conscience but because it is an appropriate timing to express our gratitude, love and respect.
I am thankful to be able to see for myself the way you care for your nation, our home and not just reading it on textbooks like how the later generations are going to do. Thank you for being a great leader and building our home from scratch. Thank you Mr Lee and may you rest in peace. Your legacy will live on.
Monday, March 23, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
Scattered thoughts
Been doing so much thinking these days I don't know what's wrong with my life but certainly there's an ongoing issue. Something's been bugging my thoughts and emotions lately but I can't seem to voice them out. Every single time I open my mouth to speak or raise my hand to write I find myself uttering nothing. This is especially hard for someone who's filled with emotions and yet have zero mean of expressing them.
Most of the times I find myself anticipating and getting my hopes up high even though I know so well how hard I'm gonna fall and injure myself. And yet, I do it over and over again. I just don't learn. Or rather, I don't know how to learn. I can't learn. I don't know how to persuade myself to not hold hopes. It's a natural human instinct isn't it? To anticipate, to look forward to, to excite oneself, to imagine, to dream and to hope.
Sometimes I hope I'm someone who's thinking over feeling. Sometimes I want to follow my mind and not my heart. Sometimes I wish there's a wire I can cut off to emotions. Because at the end of the day I'm the one who's suffering. And nobody will understand because they can't feel what I'm feeling. I hope I can dig my heart out and show people how much feelings there is inside of me because there is simply no word I can find to describe how overwhelming all these has become.
My mind is most of the times wandering off to somewhere else because my feelings are all over the place and I can't seem to find a way to keep them at bay. This is why people around me always need to snap me back into reality. I may look you in the eyes and I may appear to be listening to you but I am not. And it is not something I have control over. My mind just wanders. I need people to constantly hold me back. And I know it's tiring. It's tiring not only for them but for myself too.
Many times when something goes wrong I cannot help but think what the problem is. Is it with me? Is it because I did something to allow something that I care so much for to go haywire? Or is it because I don't try hard enough and I don't put in enough effort? Even though at the end of the day heartbreaks seem to heal as time passes by no one will ever see how broken you are while healing. How you need to slowly wipe away every tear, pick up every broken piece of your heart and stitch it together, how you need to force yourself to get out there in the sun and embrace life despite your world slowly crumbling down.
It is all a cycle. The cycle of heartbreak and healing. And no matter how many times you go through it you find yourself feeling it stronger than the time before. The heart is an amazing organ capable of love and heartbreaks and no matter how many times you hand it over to someone who's capable of destroying it, you find yourself picking it up again and as time goes by, tadah it works again. It is able to beat normally and it is again capable of loving another.
Amazing human beings and its ability to love despite being hurt over and over again. And you know what is sad about this? What's sad about this is people don't see how amazing their hearts are because people constantly step over them and destroy it. They don't see how strong they are when they are picking up the broken pieces because nobody is around to see their strong self. They don't know how much love they deserve because the people they meet are constantly showing them otherwise.
But fear not because one day someone will come and hold your heart in their palms so carefully and nurture it with every ounce of energy they are capable of giving. So don't stop healing, don't stop wiping the tears and don't stop picking up the broken pieces. One day someone will undo the stitches and you will miraculously realise that it no longer breaks apart. It is capable to love because that's who we are born to be and to do. To love.
Most of the times I find myself anticipating and getting my hopes up high even though I know so well how hard I'm gonna fall and injure myself. And yet, I do it over and over again. I just don't learn. Or rather, I don't know how to learn. I can't learn. I don't know how to persuade myself to not hold hopes. It's a natural human instinct isn't it? To anticipate, to look forward to, to excite oneself, to imagine, to dream and to hope.
Sometimes I hope I'm someone who's thinking over feeling. Sometimes I want to follow my mind and not my heart. Sometimes I wish there's a wire I can cut off to emotions. Because at the end of the day I'm the one who's suffering. And nobody will understand because they can't feel what I'm feeling. I hope I can dig my heart out and show people how much feelings there is inside of me because there is simply no word I can find to describe how overwhelming all these has become.
My mind is most of the times wandering off to somewhere else because my feelings are all over the place and I can't seem to find a way to keep them at bay. This is why people around me always need to snap me back into reality. I may look you in the eyes and I may appear to be listening to you but I am not. And it is not something I have control over. My mind just wanders. I need people to constantly hold me back. And I know it's tiring. It's tiring not only for them but for myself too.
Many times when something goes wrong I cannot help but think what the problem is. Is it with me? Is it because I did something to allow something that I care so much for to go haywire? Or is it because I don't try hard enough and I don't put in enough effort? Even though at the end of the day heartbreaks seem to heal as time passes by no one will ever see how broken you are while healing. How you need to slowly wipe away every tear, pick up every broken piece of your heart and stitch it together, how you need to force yourself to get out there in the sun and embrace life despite your world slowly crumbling down.
It is all a cycle. The cycle of heartbreak and healing. And no matter how many times you go through it you find yourself feeling it stronger than the time before. The heart is an amazing organ capable of love and heartbreaks and no matter how many times you hand it over to someone who's capable of destroying it, you find yourself picking it up again and as time goes by, tadah it works again. It is able to beat normally and it is again capable of loving another.
Amazing human beings and its ability to love despite being hurt over and over again. And you know what is sad about this? What's sad about this is people don't see how amazing their hearts are because people constantly step over them and destroy it. They don't see how strong they are when they are picking up the broken pieces because nobody is around to see their strong self. They don't know how much love they deserve because the people they meet are constantly showing them otherwise.
But fear not because one day someone will come and hold your heart in their palms so carefully and nurture it with every ounce of energy they are capable of giving. So don't stop healing, don't stop wiping the tears and don't stop picking up the broken pieces. One day someone will undo the stitches and you will miraculously realise that it no longer breaks apart. It is capable to love because that's who we are born to be and to do. To love.
Friday, March 6, 2015
A narcissistic entry for a narcissistic me
What's up guys! I just turned 20 yesterday and to be honest, I DON'T FEEL A SINGLE THING. I mean, time just passes, the day ended and even though I blew out the candle, in that moment I only feel like it's just another day. I guess growing older isn't defined by the age but how wise you become. Even though I think like a 23 year old I still look like 19 probably so all is well now (HA HA).
Taking a walk down memory lane and this is how much I've changed over the last couple of years.
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| eighteenth |
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| nineteenth |
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| twentieth! |
My personal thoughts: 18th, I really looked like a kid? /slaps self/ 19th, looking a lot more matured but oh gosh my hair really needs to maintain /slaps self/ 20th, looking decent?? Preferring my hair at this length best with (no more bangs) and just the simplest basic clothes.
It was a really really simple day spent with my favourite people a.k.a tablemates. Just sitting down by the river talking about loads of rubbish, remembering random stupid moments we went through together during our sec school days, playing games, singing, talking and just laughing. I would never want to spend 5th March any other way.
I love simplicity and I love my friends for loving me just the way I am, never ever wanting to change me or alter me into someone they prefer. Despite our nonsensical comments on each other all the damn time, I know you guys mean the best for me and always want the best for me too. I don't know how my life would be without you guys and I promise to never ever disappoint all of you, you people who love me the way I deserve it, for making me feel like life shouldn't be just about the past or future but more importantly the present. I want to give myself the best that I deserve and present the best me I can be in front of you guys. My 20th reflection.
Thank you everyone for loving me.
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| to the moon and back xx please don't ever leave me |
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| to the love of my life |
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| hello 20 year old tyq, please try to always be this happy :-) |
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