Pre-ITP

Hello! Updating the space a little bit coz it's been collecting dust lately, haha.

So I'm down to my last paper already!! I can't wait to get it all done and over with and really spend my time doing what I like most. On the down side though is I'm only entitled to 6 measly days of holiday before my internship starts for real!

By the way I've been posted to Giamso International Tours for my itp! Which was supposedly my third choice coz I chose Airlines, Travel Agency and Events Management and I was given two Travel Agencies to interview for 1) Chan Brothers and 2) Giamso. As well as Airlines - Jetquay.

I already kind of expected to get into Giamso coz I feel I did the best for that interview haha. The interviewer was so friendly and nice I didn't feel like I was in an interview at all! So glad I got into a company of my choice and the working hours and all were pretty good as well.

Starting on 8th of September and even though I got to admit that I'm a little nervous about it because I'm scared that I wouldn't be able to do my work well :-( But oh well, I gotta keep a positive mindset and hope the best for the whole 6 months!!

Anyway I have a few posts on draft coz I never ever have the time to finish writing them :-( Gonna post them up asap after my last paper! For now....off to work ($$$$$)

An entry that has no point

To be honest, I've always been a weak person since young. I don't wanna deny the fact that I get heartbroken real easily and sometimes by the most insignificant stuff. I also don't wanna lie to myself anymore and pretend like I'm a really gung-ho and strong and independent girl, because honestly I'm not.

I am a female and I have my moody moments. I have times when I feel like nobody in the world loves me. I have times when people tell me they love me and I tell myself they're only making me feel better about myself. I have times when I lay in bed and listen to music and have tons of thoughts running through my mind and crying myself to sleep.

But I also have times when I'm genuinely happy and thankful. I have times when I feel like people truly love me for me. I have times when I feel I no longer have to do things I don't like to please people. I have times when I feel like I have people who truly care about me and about my happiness. But you know life isn't a smooth-sailing journey and happiness is as though you're standing on a piece of ice ready to melt any moment.

Just recently, I feel I may have finally walked out of my teenage-angst phase. I've finally grown up and I'm no longer so 执着 over certain things anymore. I've also learned to be more magnanimous and less petty. That I should honestly be happy for my friends when they're happy being with other people instead of sulking like a child thinking I may be replaced. Childish enough? That was truly who I used to be. And along the way I've learned the hard way that this is NOT the way I hold onto relationships. 

Unfortunately, people have been showing me that maybe my presence weren't so important after all. 

It was my last day of school yesterday and certain things didn't end pretty well. We all have times when we dislike someone but never to such an extent where I feel I am totally unwanted. I heard from a friend that someone actually said I should have been kicked out of class so there would be peace and harmony. And no matter how smiley or zen or strong I seemed to have been at that moment, my heart was literally broken into pieces. 

I honestly care A LOT about what other people think about me. And that's also why I try my best to please everyone...so I don't get hated. But you know that no matter what you do, there'll still be people out there who are gonna hate you for whatever you did/did not do. And of course I've also learned that I should keep these people out of my life. And that's what I did too. 

I really don't mean to sound like a super whiny kid going crazily mad and upset over stupid stuff but honestly, I have times when I feel my whole life isn't properly pieced together. I have times when I feel SO insecure (not even about my looks but about my personality). I have times when I feel like nobody will ever love me again because I have such an awful mindset (not all the time though).

I think I haven't been this unhappy in a long long while. Sorry if reading this affected your mood as well. I just needed a space to pen down my thoughts...which are going nowhere. Lol I don't even have a conclusion for this entry argh.

This entry is SERIOUSLY and HONESTLY not pin-pointed at any individual. (still ever thankful for people who love me)