Life's been pretty bad. And I don't know how to put my feelings into words anymore. And I guess it's probably just my problem, that I don't give myself time to search for things that make me happy, that I rejoice in staying at home and feeling grumpy. And what's hard is I don't know if this is who I am or who I am trying to become. I need someone to light up the correct pathway that will bring me, eventually, to where I belong.
Did a quiz this morning to "what you are most afraid of living without" and my answer was 存在感. I don't know how to translate that into English. Sense of presence? Something like that. And my answer said that I'm someone who would try my best whenever doing something, and even if the outcome isn't what I expected, it'd be enough if someone noticed my efforts. And I thought that was true. I need attention. But I am constantly shying away from attention as well.
"But I was sure of something too: it’s a lot easier to be lost than found. It’s the reason we’re always searching, and rarely discovered - so many locks, not enough keys."
I am really apologetic to people who truly want me to be happy. Thank you for constantly trying to cheer me up and even though nothing seems to work anymore I just wanna say I truly appreciate whatever effort these people have put in to try to make me happy again.
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