I hate

I hate to love you 

I hate how you are so easily remembered 

I hate how little things always remind me of you

I hate the way you make loving you so easy and loving me so hard

I hate the way you talk, making everything seem a little more interesting

And most importantly of all I hate how I cannot stop loving you

The Fault in Our Stars

I finished reading The Fault in Our Stars this afternoon.

The moment I closed the book, I found myself immersed in it deeper than ever. The story is so amazingly beautiful that I find myself looking back again and again after I've finished reading it.

The book made cancer seem like it's not that scary after all. And that even with cancer people can still live on amazingly and bravely. Even with cancer people can have dreams and love. And eventually you realise that cancer only makes people stronger, not weaker.

I love the book. I love the story. I love the characters. I love the development. I love the ending. I love the words. There were a lot of vocabulary I didn't know about, and I obviously didn't have the patience to check up each and every meaning. I lived with it. It was amazing. Despite not knowing what it means sometimes. Because things may get worse if you look at it from a clearer view.

To end it off with an excerpt I like a lot:

""There will come a time," I said, "when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this" - I gestured encompassingly - "will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that's what everyone else does.""

Two-way

I always read that if you love someone or if you really cared about someone, you'd talk to them all the time, and you'd want to talk to them all the time. You'd talk about everything and anything in the world. Every little detail. Even if this particular thing may not even be of any concern to that someone, but because you love him/her, you wanna tell them, because it made an impact in your life, because this little thing happened to you.

But I was also wondering. If we really loved someone, would we give up the chance of telling them about our life and listen out to theirs instead? Because I have realised this is what I do most of the time. I listen to people I love. And I wanna listen, I wanna know. I'm not just hearing them, I'm listening, listening to the details, to how they talk about it, just so I truly feel how they felt at that point in time.

And if someone spends time talking to you about his/her life then it clearly shows this person cares about you too, right? If not, why would h/she bother?

Anyway, so just after writing this entry I've come to a conclusion that this thing, this talking and listening thing that I've just mentioned, is a two-way thing. Both parties share and both parties listen. There should be no domineering. There should be a balance between the two. When one speaks, the other listens, truthfully, sincerely, with all attention. When one finishes, the other starts. No interruption, just smooth and ongoing conversation.

That is, I supposed, the highest level anyone can reach in a relationship?

P/S It's been such a long long time since I was this serious in writing something. And I am glad. I like this entry. What about you?